It Should Tear a Kid Apart (It Does)
by Voodoo-Radio
Summary: When Sasuke screamed all his suffering and heartbreak into Naruto's mouth, Naruto swallowed it like it was a kiss. Naruto/Sasuke.


**Notes: **A direct sequel to the first _The One Broken Thing_ timestamp _The Secret To Staying Alive Without Actually Breathing_.

**Warnings: **This is a one shot containing swearing, themes of mental illness, drugs, and sexual situations. The pairing is Naruto/Sasuke. If any of these things are likely to bother you, please think carefully before continuing to read.

* * *

**It Should Tear A Kid Apart (It Does)**

_a timestamp_

* * *

_Monday, February 25, 2013_

_Immediately, randomly, something was mingling in my blood. Agony overpowered me. I wanted to vomit, I wanted to impale myself, as if a hole in my center might be a cure. Cut out my weakness. Vision got blurry, then sharp, then my eyes hurt too much altogether, and as they tried to shut, I saw Sasuke, my SO, and it was all subsiding. I stared at him with filmy, heavy eyes._

_I know I said, "It hurts."_

_I know he said, "Stay with me."_

_But the hidden one was stirring._

_Sasuke sat me up, his hand over my chest, and he pushed, right on the piece of me I wanted gone._

_I know I said, "I love you."_

_I know he said, "Stay, stay with me, Naruto!"_

_I think that the new treatment is working, because I was able to._

* * *

Sasuke was still up doing his linguistics homework when Naruto came home. When Naruto sat beside him, he smelt like winter, which was all wrong. He should have smelt like summer, like sand, like fire. When Naruto kissed him, his lips were cold.

The snow wouldn't really be gone until April, and Sasuke couldn't wait. He was feeling trapped lately, and he wanted some proper sunshine. He wanted to go on walks in the woods. He wanted to sit on the balcony and watch Naruto water the plants.

And sure, maybe Sasuke might've wanted more time with Naruto in general. Summer meant that school would be out and they'd have almost four months to be with each other, with nothing else to bother them besides work, and the occasional friendly gathering, which was starting to annoy Sasuke less and less these days anyways. But mostly, he wanted quiet time with Naruto, and soft simple mornings without words.

Yes, Sasuke missed the blond when he was alone long enough to, well, _get lonely_, but that sentiment was lost when that idiot opened his mouth.

Like right then.

"Sasuke! Hey! Are you doing homework? Put that shit aside. I got Game of Thrones season two on DVD and we should totally watch it!" He shirked off his jacket and orange apron and DCs. He threw his car keys somewhere in the vicinity of the front door. He held out a plastic bag that read 'Hokage Books,' the bookstore connected to Konoha Brews. Sasuke sighed. That dumb obsession with that store. Naruto probably could've found everything cheaper on if he tried.

"I can't. This assignment is due by five tomorrow and I'm only half way done. It's not even that hard, I just have to find more good scholarly articles."

Naruto dropped the bag on the floor. He eyed Sasuke's lime green Vaio. Sasuke had an even 1,500 words done, and an even 1,500 more to go. Sasuke shifted his legs, and the computer wobbled on his lap.

"Looks good to me."

Sasuke frowned at him. "Not everyone can ghetto their way through school by using the sources on Wikipedia, you know."

"I know," Naruto smiled, "Have you eaten?"

"Yeah." He lied easily. He might've eaten . . . earlier . . . maybe. Sasuke tended to get wrapped up in his obligations and lose track of things like that.

"Well I haven't, better make something." Naruto sprang up and went to their kitchen, which was visible from where Sasuke sat in the living room. He always sat in the same particular spot on their couch, and he always watched Naruto when he cooked.

Naruto was noisy, _noisy_, and Sasuke found that he had a rough go at focusing on anything other than Naruto singing.

_"Send me an IOU,_  
_I'll send you another chance,_  
_To see if you got my back,_  
_To see if I can depend on you."_

Sasuke modified his search filters.

_"Wild eyed boy,_  
_Your heart still won't settle,_  
_Wild eyed boy,_  
_How much can you take?"_

"What are you even making?" Sasuke said at last, to shut him up.

"Um, Top Ramen. You know Safeway only has the shitty flavors lately, but hey, what to do? I can't argue with a quarter a pack. I saw this home restoration show once where this guy was able to buy himself a house as soon as he got out of college because he only ate Top Ramen."

"Dream big, Naruto."

"I will!"

Sasuke sighed. This guy was too much, so dumb, so infectious. How was it that someone who suffered so many hardships and lost everything could still sing and make jokes and make everyone else around him happy? Sasuke understood it, but totally didn't understand it, too.

Naruto was the only truly great person Sasuke knew. He was like nobody else, nobody else could . . .

"I read over your diary. Be sure to write an entry tonight. Your appointment's tomorrow." How Sasuke wrangled in his feelings was with making comments. Comment on something, talk about something. Any distraction was a good one.

"Yep," Naruto said, and pointed his thumb in the direction of their wall calendar. "Thanks, baby."

"Yeah." He looked up when Naruto came to him, and was only a little surprised when he was handed his own bowl.

* * *

_"Go away, go away, go away . . ."_

Sasuke came into their bedroom at 4:50am. Naruto was out, sleeping cap pulled down, down over his eyes. There were stacks of papers on the bedside table, which Sasuke took to be the diary entries. Naruto never did write them in a book, instead choosing to scribble down his thoughts on any scrap paper he could find. One time his stack even included an unfolded and flattened large-sized Konoha to-go cup. As that was unfit to be seen by the doctor, Sasuke had made Naruto rewrite it on a legal pad.

"Naruto," Sasuke said, getting in the bed. He put his arm around Naruto's waist and spooned him. "Naruto."

Sasuke had let his homework and job and life distract him so that he could never have to deal with his actual thoughts. Now that his assignment was done, he was wide awake, and had no immediate diversions. _Any distraction was a good one_ . . . When he tried to relax, to daydream . . . well, even that was impossible. Sasuke cherished Naruto and his private, silent moments because his mind was screaming all the time. He felt dull and pathetic and he yearned and it _hurt_.

Sometimes, he still chased those dark thoughts, traitorous wisps that told him his happiness was short-lived. No matter how strong he got, no matter how much progress he made, no matter how good the advice he heard was, he desired something truly awful.

And he had heard the voices.

_Around 3am, he looked up from his computer._

"Hmm?" Naruto responded quietly.

_Itachi was across from him, leaning against the fireplace. He looked so casual._

"You." Sasuke whispered. "Even when I hate everything and everyone, I still love you."

_"You're not real. You're a hallucination."_

Naruto rolled around, pushing the black and white cap up into his blond hair. "Are you okay?" he whispered back.

_Itachi didn't say anything. Itachi never said anything. He just watched, always watching._

"Yeah. It's just . . . when you're not here I can't help but think about . . . I know it's horrible, but I can't help it." He craved it. He craved Orochimaru and Lightfighter, and he sometimes really didn't give a fuck about Naruto at all and could leave him all over again if it meant he'd always get what he desired. And sometimes it would be so much easier to lie on a bed swallowing Lightfighter all day than to have someone love you unconditionally and accept your flaws.

_"I miss you."_

Naruto put his arms over Sasuke's head and crawled on top of him. He covered them both; their faces were hidden away from the world, and they could only see each other. Naruto was the only one who could—who could block out the light like Lightfighter, and make Sasuke see, _see _him. Hear him; words cut straight through the heart.

_"Don't go."_

"I've got you." Naruto said. "I've got you, I've got you."

_"Don't leave me."_

"I hate—_hate_—" Sasuke choked out, because he did. Because he hated every fucking goddamned thing. And he hated that he could go days and weeks without feeling lost and dead and then it always, _always _came back to him. Naruto was so good, so, _so good_, but still human, and nothing like the manufacturing he needed.

"I know," Naruto pecked Sasuke, on the lips, on the cheeks, "I know. It's okay. All of it, let me have all of it."

Sasuke knotted his eyebrows together. _Naruto_.

_It's okay, Sasuke, I've got you. I've got you forever._

When Sasuke screamed all his suffering and heartbreak into Naruto's mouth, Naruto swallowed it like it was a kiss.

* * *

"That went well!" Naruto punched the air with his free hand.

"Only you could interpret 'work harder' as going well," Sasuke said, but he wore a small smile. It wasn't really so easy, he knew, _he knew Naruto knew he knew_. If they had a ghetto enough doctor to tell Naruto something as simple as that, Sasuke might've been arrested for assault. Sasuke was going to avoid anything that had to do with the police for a while, thanks.

He squeezed Naruto's other hand. They had been connected ever since the beginning of the appointment. None of them had quite wanted to let go, although it was inevitable as they were heading back to Sasuke's Isuzu Impulse. Yeah, that car was pretty rare, but Sasuke's was a piece of shit for real, so it didn't matter to him.

They let go of each other slowly, grasping at each other's fingers before finally parting. Because his car sucked ass, it took a while to start in the winter cold. Naruto curled up into his puffy jacket beside him in the passenger's seat, breath turning to fog. He didn't complain, though, and instead looked at Sasuke with a sappy affectionate face that made Sasuke turn away, flustered.

Once they were on the road proper, which was a rough time going since they spun out of the parking lot with a horrible screech, they headed towards the university. The ice did what it wanted despite the studs on Sasuke's tires, and even though Sasuke wasn't in control for a second, he didn't lose his cool. This was common in winter.

The school's library entrance was stupidly far from the parking lot, which meant lots of slipping around in the snow and wind to turn in one dumb essay. That was after they were able to find a freaking parking spot, of course. Luckily stopping meant that Sasuke could stop listening to Ellie Goulding; _Lights _was a song he liked until it became mainstream and was severely overplayed. Besides, he much preferred her song _Explosions_, and that seemed unlikely to get airtime.

Sasuke turned in his essay to the library counter and took his receipt. Then he turned to Naruto, who was holding the strap of his messenger bag. He usually had the messenger bag instead of the backpack when he had Wednesday classes.

"You going to class now?"

"Yeah," Naruto said. "My class is in the ISB, so I'll just walk there." The ISB was the Integrated Sciences Building, just next to the library, which itself was connected to the Social Sciences Building. It was often easier to walk between buildings, because the parking lots were hell and so was pulling up to the doors. Sasuke didn't offer to give Naruto a ride for this reason, but he did walk with him to the breezeway.

He petted Naruto's orange and black scarf. Halloween colors.

"Call me when you get out and I'll come get you, okay?"

"Yeah. It should be around seven."

"That's so late." Sasuke sighed. "'K, I'll be here."

"I want to kiss you." Naruto said.

Sasuke gave him a look. "We're in school. Don't be disgusting."

Naruto grinned and took out his biology book, which was about five inches thick and heavy as shit and horrible. Sasuke grimaced at it. It reminded him of Naruto the person, dense but full of urges to help people. Fucking med student. Sasuke sorta hated the good side of Naruto, too.

Naruto held it up, and opened it outwards, facing the hall, so their faces were obscured. "Now?" He licked his teeth.

And then, that resentment was gone and it was all rather silly and stupid and Sasuke laughed and kissed him and then pulled back and shoved the book into his face. "Get to class, loser."

Naruto waved at him enthusiastically.

* * *

Sasuke missed Naruto.

* * *

_I've been kicked off my land at the age of sixteen,_  
_And I have no idea where else my heart could have been,_  
_I placed all my trust at the foot of this hill,_  
_And now I am sure my heart can never be still._

Freaking Mumford & Sons. Naruto was right, Sasuke liked them less now that they had won, like, all the Grammys possible.

"Cinnamon Dolce for Sasuke," Naruto said as he passed over the cup. Naruto slid into the stool across from him. They were at the Starbucks nearest campus, and, because the plush seats near the fire were taken, had to use the high tables.

_Well, yes sir, yes sir, yes, it was me,_  
_I know what I've done, 'cause I know what I've seen,_  
_I went out back and I got my gun,_  
_I said 'you haven't met me, I am the only son.'_

Finally, the song was over, and it was time for some Norah Jones schlock. Sasuke remembered the promo CDs they used to get when he worked at (a different) Starbucks. He was used to the music they played. It didn't mean that he appreciated it, though.

"What did you order?" Sasuke asked, sipping on his own. It was fucking magical, that's what it was. _You better not have ordered the hot chocolate. I always hated those people who ordered hot chocolate at a coffee joint._

_Get over yourself! But no, no I didn't._ "Cappuccino. I like my coffee simple."

Sasuke scoffed.

Naruto opened his messenger bag and after dumping his pencil case on the table, took out his notebook. Sasuke leaned forward and watched him as he wrote his daily diary entry. Naruto shifted it closer even, so Sasuke could read it more easily.

_Wednesday, February 27, 2013_

_It's hard to reconcile all the different parts of yourself. I wonder if one day I'll be able to work with all the facets of myself and be a strong person, unburdened by my own obstacles._

_I want to be the kind of person who can take care of the people I love. I know that in order to do that, I have to take care of myself, too._

_I want to be solid, unmoving, and dependable. I want my friends to know they can rely on me. I want my SO to know I'll always be there._

Sasuke did know that. Naruto was the most reliable thing in his life. Naruto pushed away his own sorrow to care about others, and he was single-minded in his devotion. He saved Sasuke, rescued him, from bad situations and despair and wicked dreams.

Sasuke pulled Naruto's Sharpie out of the case, and wrote, right next to 'Naruto' on the white paper cup, 'I love.'

* * *

"He didn't say anything, like usual. He just stood there and looked at me." Sasuke pushed his wet hair back, out of his eyes. The hot water was invigorating, and he had more energy then, in the shower, than he had had all day.

Naruto kissed the back of Sasuke's neck. "When did he go away?"

"He didn't. I just ignored him and finished my essay. He was still there when I came to bed."

"That's when you woke me up," Naruto said, mostly to himself, nodding against Sasuke's back. He rubbed his fingers against Sasuke's abdomen.

Sasuke put his hands over Naruto's.

"I know you'll never be the way you were when we were teenagers, but you will be okay someday. You gotta believe me, this'll go away."

_Are you sure?_

_Absolutely._

Sasuke turned towards Naruto and tilted his head. He put his fingers in the wet, tangled blond hair. He tugged.

* * *

Sasuke undulated under Naruto's oiled hands. They were slick and warm and glided over his nipples and stomach, and between his legs. He opened them wider, wanting Naruto to touch him, to be inside of him.

That was it. He wanted to be ripped up, to scream and scratch and bite. He needed the pain Naruto could offer, mostly safe but definitely unhinged. Like he was answering Sasuke's prayer. _It's me and only me and not Orochimaru and not Kurama._

"You sound so pretty," Naruto breathed against Sasuke's cock. He pressed a middle finger at Sasuke's asshole. The other hand grabbed and pumped Sasuke's cock, pulling back the foreskin. He licked the tip and Sasuke covered his own mouth.

Sasuke wanted to feel invaded and used up and fucked into Naruto's possession.

"Fuck me," he whispered low, biting Naruto's shoulder.

Sasuke wanted to thrash and whine, to taste Naruto's come in his mouth.

Naruto moved up him and kissed him hard. He drove two fingers in deep, spreading them. Sasuke was stretched and open. He felt raw.

Sasuke wanted to be owned.

When Naruto pinned Sasuke to the bed, Sasuke anchored himself to be screwed into the mattress.

* * *

_Thursday, February 28, 2013_

_A good day. Nothing abnormal._

Sasuke snorted. "Hey, idiot. The back of our Starbucks receipt isn't the place for a diary."

"Fuuuuuuck that," Naruto said. "It's fine."

Sasuke opened up his bag and took out the legal pad.

"Rewrite it."

Sometimes Sasuke even loved every goddamned thing.

* * *

Timestamp Tracklist:

**The National** – Anyone's Ghost  
**Birds of Tokyo** – Wild Eyed Boy  
**Ellie Goulding** – Explosions  
**Mumford & Sons** - Dust Bowl Dance


End file.
